I recently confessed to a friend of mine that I’ve never read a single book on parenting. He was baffled. We were in the middle of a discussion regarding the challenges of disciplining my three and a half year old (going on 25) daughter Tayeko.

Taye is willful, to put it plainly. She is an energetic, exuberant, complex and gleeful person who has effortlessly managed to wrap me tightly around her little finger. When she is well-rested and well-fed she is charming. When she is exhausted or hungry (or both) she can be tyrannical and terrifying.

Admittedly, she takes after her mom. When I’m relaxed, I can deal effectively with Taye’s outbursts, but after a long day, I find myself battling to stay calm, to not raise my voice, to not behave just like my tired Taye, herself. Because sometimes, I just want to lie down on the kitchen floor, pound my fists and kick my feet in the air too.

As I vented to my friend, he was visiting various websites and forums focused on ways to discipline (and sometimes just tolerate) children throwing temper tantrums. (The consensus was: Don’t lose your temper and ignore their bad behavior; eventually they’ll stop their tirade and life will go on.) Though happy to offer some advice and/or encouragement regarding my current parenting conundrum, my friend was amazed and bewildered at my admission that I was parenting, in his eyes, blindly. How could I be raising two children without having done the necessary research? Wasn’t I terrified of messing up? Doing the wrong thing?

To be honest, it never occurred to me to consult with books, articles, or forums in order to be a mom. I mean to say, that from the moment I became aware that I was to be a mother, it felt as if I would just know what to do. I think I have my own mother to thank for that genuine, albeit delusional, vote of self-confidence. I’ve since learned that it is okay to not know the answer, to need help, and I’m learning to ask for help when I do.

We receive our first lessons and impressions about how to be parents when we, ourselves, are children. The adults who raise us and the families we are a part of, show us how to be parents – for better or worse. Our early family experiences become the foundations of the families we come to create. I was lucky enough to have an amazing family complete with two amazing parents – and hopefully absorbed enough love, patience, compassion, and wonder to be the great mom that I am constantly striving to be. Fortunately, there are plenty of books, websites, and friends if these virtues prove to not -always- be enough.

I know that, even with all the tools I’ve been given, I’m going to need all the help I can get. Tayeko is on to me, and she’s only growing wiser to my weaknesses by the minute. It is a good thing these tantrums are well-balanced with the seductive wit and charm that only a three-year old girl can possess.

There are most definitely moments of complete and utter hopelessness – moments when I feel overwhelmed, inadequate, frustrated, and simply unqualified, to be a parent at all. These are the moments when the rock-solid foundation I inherited is most important and valuable. It keeps me up off the kitchen floor (most of the time). What do people do that weren’t given this foundation? How do they cope? Where do they turn?No parent is perfect. We all know the feeling of making mistakes. We all say and do things we wish we could do over. We all deserve support because parenting just isn’t easy.

Child Care Publications, Inc. (www.childcarepub.net) is a response to these needs and an offering. We hope that our resources will provide the beginnings of support and repair that we parents need so that we can, in turn, offer our children the love and support that they deserve.

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